Another year, another boring Grammy Awards Show. Besides the actual awards themselves, there were a number of other winners and losers.
Black Keys–Actual rock n’ roll. Very unusual for a Grammy telecast.
Kanye West–A winner for not showing up at all.
Jay-Z–Sipping on a Remy in the audience while waiting to do his thing. Too cool for the room.
Jack White–Odd guy but he’s the real deal.
Dr. John–The most appropriately dressed man of the evening
Fun–Rain? Really? How come nobody got electrocuted?
The Tennessee Kids–JT backup band swings hard despite mediocre R&B songs.
Levon Helm–The best musical tribute of the night, but that’s not saying much.
Anyone who Taylor Swift was singing along to in the audience.
Taylor Swift–Ersatz opening number reveals her to be the Cher of the future. And she too likes younger guys.
John Mayer–Looked like he stole Jamie Foxx’s wardrobe from “Django Unchained”
Katie Perry–Russell Brand is funnier
Kelly Clarkson–Cut her some slack. Everybody knows the camera adds an extra 50 pounds.
Neil Portnow–Show producers move him from his traditional solo speech to playing second banana to Ryan Seacrest and Justin Timberlake before introducing the obits. Deadly.
Sting–Rug or plugs?
Ellen DeGeneres–Add a few freckles and you have Howdy Doody. Does anybody think she’s actually funny?
Clive Davis–Was seated at least 10 rows from the front. Could this be an omen?
LL Cool J–Stumbled through an embarrassing script. Just get it over with and hand the gig over to Ryan Seacrest.
Miguel–Who are you again?
No words necessary