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Universal Music Group Wants To Put You To Sleep


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Well, well, well, look who’s had a sudden change of heart! Universal Music Group (UMG), the self-proclaimed “world leader in music-based entertainment,” has decided to jump on the AI bandwagon just a month after screaming about banning AI. Despite their previous cries to ban AI, they now see the “incredible potential” of ethical AI to enhance creativity and promote wellness They have joined forces with Endel, an AI sound wellness company, in what they are calling a groundbreaking strategic relationship. Brace yourself for the potential revolution in the music and entertainment industry, courtesy of this unexpected collaboration.


UMG and Endel are here to save the day by harnessing the awe-inspiring power of AI. Together, they will enable artists and labels to create soundscapes for all your daily activities, like sleep, relaxation, and focus. Finally, we can rely on artificial intelligence to curate our perfect soundtrack for brushing our teeth or tying our shoelaces. Who needs spontaneity and the element of surprise when we can have AI-generated soundscapes telling us exactly what to do?

Prepare yourselves, music enthusiasts, because UMG is about to unleash their first wave of mind-blowing soundscapes. These soundscapes, backed by science (yes, science!), are designed to enhance your wellness. So, the next time you want to relax, just press play on a scientifically optimized playlist, and let the AI take control of your emotional well-being. In reality UMG didn’t need Endel when they already have plenty of music that can easily put you to sleep. Have you listened to a Sting record lately?

In a shocking display of cognitive dissonance, UMG’s EVP and Chief Digital Officer, Michael Nash, has experienced a miraculous transformation in his beliefs. He now declares his undying faith in the “incredible potential of ethical AI” to support and enhance creativity. It’s as if a divine force has enlightened him overnight, showing him the true path to artistic enlightenment through the power of AI. How convenient that their newfound belief aligns perfectly with their partnership with Endel. Truly a match made in corporate heaven.

Oleg Stavitsky, the CEO of Endel, can’t contain his excitement as their AI technology is hailed as the savior of humanity, turning our beloved tunes into functional soundscapes.It seems their goal was always to help humanity focus, relax, and sleep using the power of sound. Because, you know, we were all desperately waiting for AI to intervene in our everyday lives and dictate our preferred state of mind. It’s heartwarming to see their dreams of world domination through AI-powered wellness coming to fruition. Bravo!

Functional music, the new trend in the industry, promises to optimize your daily routines like reading, running, and sleeping. Artists can now join the bandwagon and embrace functional music insights with the help of AI technology. But don’t worry, Endel assures us that their AI is more of a “collaborator” than a tool, granting artists control and freedom while exploiting the market’s desperate need for music that promotes their wellbeing. How considerate of them.

So, say goodbye to genuine human expression and emotions, as AI takes the reins of curating our lives’ soundtracks. Because who needs personal agency when AI can optimize our every move and thought? It’s a brave new world, ladies and gentlemen, where AI reigns supreme and sarcasm is the only refuge for our sanity.


  • Wayne Rosso

    Wayne Rosso has worked in music and technology for decades. He has worked with such artists as Aerosmith, Bee Gees, Crosby, Stills & Nash, Public Image LTD., Beach Boys, Phillip Glass, Fleetwood Mac, Rick James, New Kids on the Block, Slash, Evanescence and scores of others.


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